We all have relationships with many people in our lives and all of these relationships are different. Whether it’s with friends, family, significant others, partners, acquaintances or anyone else, it’s important to know how to have healthy relationships with the people in our lives. Healthy relationships increase our self-esteem, improve mental and emotional health, and help us have fuller lives.
Our relationships can all benefit by learning how to communicate with others in a healthy way. Learn general tips on communicating, how to work out disagreements, and how to talk about sex with others. Check out some good feeling words to use when you’re talking with people. Learn about rights in personal relationships.
Dating and interpersonal relationships can be especially confusing for queer youth. There are so few queer relationships visible out there to learn from. Feel welcome to connect with one of the Gab Youth staff if you have any questions about relationships. We are happy to share our stories with you!
The following chart focuses on healthy versus unhealthy relationships - mostly relating to significant others, partners, girlfriends, boyfriends and intimate relationships. However, most everything found here can be applied to any relationship. If any behaviors in the unhealthy column sound familiar, learn more about unhealthy relationships and what you can do.
| Being in a healthy relationship means | If you are in an unhealthy relationship |
| Loving and taking care of yourself, before and while in a relationship. | You care for and focus on another person only and neglect yourself or you focus only on yourself and neglect the other person. |
| Respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each person to “be themselves.” | You feel pressure to change to meet the other person’s standards, you are afraid to disagree and your ideas are criticized. Or, you pressure the other person to meet your standards and criticize his/her ideas. |
| Doing things with friends and family and having activities independent of each other. | One of you has to justify what you do, where you go, and who you see. |
| Discussing things, allowing for differences of opinion, and compromising equally. | One of you makes all the decisions and controls everything without listening to the other’s input. |
| Expressing and listening to each other’s feelings, needs, and desires. | One of you feels unheard and is unable to communicate what you want. |
| Trusting and being honest with yourself and each other. | You lie to each other and find yourself making excuses for the other person. |
| Respecting each other’s need for privacy | You don’t have any personal space and have to share everything with the other person. |
| Sharing sexual histories and sexual health status with a partner. | Your partner keeps his/her sexual history a secret or hides a sexually transmitted infection from you or you do not disclose your history to your partner. |
| Practicing safer sex methods. | You feel scared of asking your partner to use protection or s/he has refused your requests for safer sex. Or, you refuse to use safer sex methods after your partner has requested or you make your partner feel scared. |
| Respecting sexual boundaries and being able to say no to sex. | Your partner has forced you to have sex or you have had sex when you don’t really want to. Or, you have forced or coerced your partner to have sex. |
| Resolving conflicts in a rational peaceful, and mutually agreed upon way. | One of you yells and hits, shoves or throws things at the other in an argument. |
| There is room for positive growth and you learn more about each other as you develop and mature. | You feel stifled, trapped, and stagnant. You are unable to escape the pressures of the relationship. |
(adapted from www.youthresource.com)
